As a teenager, I was often challenged to think about my five-year plan. Sometimes that was even extended to a ten-year plan but that was incomprehensible to my young mind. Five years always included high school graduation, college, and a job in the hazy future. I didn’t know exactly what I would do beyond college. I couldn’t quite decipher a career path, but I knew it would be great. Amazing, actually. One of my high school teachers predicted that most of us would be working in a field that hadn’t been developed yet. That’s technically true for me since digital photography hadn’t come around yet. (I was still using film…surely that dates me!!) I may not have known which college was to become my alma mater or that I would graduate with my bachelors in science in three short years, but I knew my path. It sure was easy to sit down and jot out those five years full of potential and awe!
As a newlywed, the five-year plan became pretty simple. It was to put the hubby through the rest of his schooling, work like crazy, save for a house and have fun doing it.
Babies came early on and the five-year plan changed to getting the newborn to sleep through the night, potty training, saving for a bigger house, building a nest egg and starting college funds.
Somewhere in the middle of firsts and diapers, preschool and grade school, buying the bigger house, infertility and life in general, I got stuck. Sadly, the last 5 years have flown by so fast that I feel like I have barely had time to catch my breath. I haven’t thought much about tomorrow or next week, let alone next year.
Until last week when it hit me full in the face that my five-year plan at this moment includes half of my children graduating from high school and MOVING AWAY!! What??! I did not agree to children moving away. When did this happen? How can my five-year plan possibly include losing half of my family?
Even as I write this I realize that my story today began with a younger version of me that is exactly the same age as my oldest child.
Time does funny things. This new five-year plan feels just as hazy and unreal as the first one did all of those years ago. Yet unlike that confident teenager embarking on a new journey, I am uncertain and afraid of letting go.
Sooooo, I’m going to let that five-year plan roll around in the back of my mind while I go and enjoy right now with my kids. Tonight I’m going to kiss all my ‘babies’ goodnight and whisper stories to them about their future. It will be here before I know it.
Most days I am hanging on by my teeth and praying for a miracle. I’m always trying to do more than I’m able while dreaming of curling up with a book and doing nothing. I get bored of almost everything after an hour and I clean when I am stressed. My husband and I have four awesome kids whom we love dearly and we spend most of our time trying to keep up with them. I can’t remember what free time feels like. I worry about the day when all my kids leave the house, but I’m taking life one day at a time and trying to enjoy the journey! Catch a glimpse of our lives at www.fairbanksphotography.blogspot.com or send me an email at email@example.com.